This is a reminder to those of you who see themselves as the "black sheep" of the family. Those who left the ways of their birth families, with their pre-set mores and values and ways of being. You saw through enough of those rules to fatal un-reason and therefore rejected them. Many of us are now, in adulthood, trying to ascertain higher laws by trial and often substantial, public error. If this fits your description, I have a message for you:
You are not meant to be tamed.
More on this in another missive, but that which we call "civilized" and that which we call "miraculous" are in eternal, deadly conflict. Do you want miracles? Reject ready-made, traditional life-ways. After all, miracles, by definition, are events for which there are no ready-made answers.
Bear in mind that any miracle occurring among the so-called "lawless" verifies their path. The God that marks these with a stamp of approval via these inexplicable gifts must do so with anyone so marked, negating the necessity of the stringent rules with which the religious or otherwise constrained so cautiously walk.
These cautious ones will never experience the width, depth or breadth of miracles of those who walk outside such stringent rules. This is because, for those so encumbered, miracles can only occur within their ontological paradigms, while Creator is bigger than anything man-made - including those very paradigms.
In short, the culture that paves the earth, that views her as a resource, will never experience the super-natural incidents that are described by millennia of medicine men and other indigenous healers. In those traditions, as valid as any history book (or more so, for their purity), the earth literally and daily speaks. Far from merely a resource, she is an Oracle - the only one that necessarily shares a plane with mortals.
She, like you, will never be tamed. She may look like it, but just take a look at a street or sidewalk that is no longer used. Grass and flowers find cracks. Life finds a way. Like you, she may look "down," but you can bet she's never "out."
Keep exploring. You are not alone. You are being joined daily by those who, like you, no longer believe in the cultural narrative, who instead are looking for the truths that preceded it. These are looking for - and finding - the experiential, heart-centric law that ruled before the practitioners of it were squashed, who were raped and killed in genocides that are either celebrated or ignored by the current culture, but never seen for the tragedy they were; never seen as the indicators of a corrupt philosophy that they indeed are.
I am one of you.
My life, like many of yours, looks disordered to some. But mainly it looks that way to those who are masters of the rules of insanity. A matter of perception, to an insane culture, sanity is always threatening. It is always frightening. Those who choose the easy way of cultural homogeneity are right about one thing: our lives are not as "safe" nor as comfortable as theirs are. But when did we start placing so much value on comfort?
When the earth became a resource, that's when.
Live your life as wildly and as consciously as you can. Observe what you see without prejudice. Pray to the Earth-mother and Father- Sky as aspects of God, through Jesus if you wish, or not, and then keep still as the answers approach in dreams. Or in "coincidental" meetings with animals. Or in the shapes of clouds. Or in the whispers of the Unseen. These are your Guides now.
You will be, at times, lonely for human company. You will miss the close association of those who loved "the old you" to the exclusion of the new. You will, at times, long for the comforts enjoyed by those who choose not to See, to the detriment of their own souls. Still...
You are not meant to be tamed.
Wander and wonder without apology. Keep exploring, taking careful note of everything you see. I'll meet you one day on a shared path, and we will recognize one another for the tools we carry, for our scars, and for our compassion and love of all we see.
This is who we are.
(Amazing artwork by Michael Karcz - michaelkarcz.com)